I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
