It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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