Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
