ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
