I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
