Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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