just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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