at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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