wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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