Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
