yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
