Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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