the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
