i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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