i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
