Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
