Your tits are I can't wait for
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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