Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
