The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
