quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
