Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
