So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't want my vagina anymore.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You ruined the universe
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize