Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
