now i know why i became what i already was.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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