Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
