My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
