peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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