Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
