Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
