you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
