i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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