i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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