I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
