I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
