guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
