did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
