drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
