i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
wow bdsm is so cute
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
