I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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