New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
