I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
