my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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