Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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