You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
They have beer where we have blood.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize