idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
