I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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