hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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