so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
