your thong is hanging out like whoa
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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