Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
