We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
