I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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