My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
