Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize