Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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