grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
