You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
