If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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