I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
