somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
