Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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