I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
