"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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