In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
