Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
