omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Say something about gay babies.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
