oh god the rape fog is back!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He better not be in your backpack
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
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