Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
