I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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