Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
