It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
