I love black thongs
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
