Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
