You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
they need to just BURY HIM!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
