go do what you do best...puke behind churches
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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