1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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