I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
