I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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