I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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