i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
