fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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