making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
