I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
