why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize