I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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