I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
