Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
