tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
