I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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