What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
her vagine was all disorganized.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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