I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
