I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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