I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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