Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
