You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
