she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Randomize
