u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You left your phone here
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