i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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