ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
