Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just pee around me
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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